Use the wisdom of your whole body, not just your head
Posted on 2024-08-28
One of the most fundamental communication skills is listening. Good listening is easier said than done. In the age of attention economy, our attention is usually split between a million different things, each advocating its own significance. If you're a working mom, a business owner, a project leader, and/or a general boss bitch like me, you are likely in charge of multiple different projects & functions and easily inundated with overwhelming information and opinions from all directions. I don't need to tell you why getting roped into the world of social media and suffering from the fear of FOMO can also get in the way of effective listening. In a society where time management has become synonymous with attention management, it is safe to say our listening skills have diminished.
However, no matter what you do or who you are, we can all benefit from great listening skills because they boost your productivity, make you a wiser decision-maker, and keep you mentally and emotionally grounded. It's also about going from transactions to relations, as listening is crucial in building genuine and trustworthy relationships. I'm doing an injustice to the plethora of benefits of listening here, but the bottom line is that if you aim to be an effective communicator, you must strive to hone your listening skills. I share with you today one of the most simple yet powerful listening tactics called 3 levels of listening.
Level 1 - Internal listening
This is a mode of listening that's focused on yourself. When you're listening at Level 1, you're interpreting everything through your own perspective, needs and concerns. You might be thinking about how the conversation relates to you, what you're going to say next, or how the information affects your own life. Your head tends to be busy with a lot of chatter. You often end up making some judgement about what the speaker's ideas or even about the speaker themself. Your eyes may be fixed on the speaker, but your attention is drawn inward.
If you find yourself going through these narratives in your head, you're probably listening at Level 1.
I'm feeling ...
What solution/advice should I give?
This story reminds me of....
That can't be true.
That idea isn't the best, is it?
How do I respond to that?
Personally, I see the driving force of this mode is your ego; your need to be knowledgeable, correct, validated, or sometimes even superior.
If I were to put a metaphor for how this listening mode works, it is like putting a helmet over your head. Things have to get through the helmet to get to you and, similarly, you will need to take off your helmet for your opinions and feelings to be conveyed.
Level 2 - Focused listening
At Level 2, the focus shifts entirely to the other speaker. You are fully engaged in listening to what they are saying, without being distracted by your own thoughts or concerns. This type of listening is about understanding the other person’s words, emotions, and intentions. You are attuned to their tone, body language, as well as to the content of their speech. Instead of making judgments and assumptions in your head, you ask clarifying questions and reflect back on what you heard to ensure understanding. Your attention lies entirely on the speaker, and you are more likely to pick up on subtle cues and underlying messages.
The internal narratives for level 2 are
How is the speaker doing?
What are they feeling?
What is the person trying to say?
What's the intention?
I hear what they're saying is...
I see that they're...
The driving force of Level 2 listening is your endless curiosity towards the speaker. It allows you an almost childlike fascination. You'll end up asking some great powerful questions.
The metaphor for this is like a long & wide tunnel between you and the speaker, a solid highway of connection between you and the speaker.
3. global listening
Level 3 listening expands beyond just the words and emotions of the other person. It involves being aware of the entire environment, the energy of the conversation, what is happening around you and what is the big picture.
The internal narratives for level 3 are
I'm sensing.... in the speaker or the room.
I'm feeling... in the speaker or the room.
What's the energy like now?
What's the big picture?
What would this conversation/situation be like if I took a step back?
The driving force is our intuition. It’s about sensing the atmosphere, the unspoken dynamics, and the underlying currents in the interaction.
The metaphor for this is like the air. It's all around us and you're already using it. You don't need to try hard to use it because it's natural. But taking full advantage of it takes more conscious and appreciative practice.
The key is to Notice if you're listening in the mode that the situation/relationship requires.
These levels of listening are tools to deepen the quality of interactions and enhance the effectiveness of communication. The thing is most of us are conditioned to listen at Level 1, which isn't the best way to listen if you want to cultivate connection and trust in your communication. If you're primarily a level-1 listener, I encourage you to practice moving to a more other-centered and holistic approach (Level 2&3), which is a must when building connection and engagement in your communication.
Please remember that there's no perfect answer for when to use what listening mode. When you start paying attention to how you listen, you will soon realize that you are constantly switching between the three modes. That is totally normal and you should be. By doing the conscious practice of listening and becoming more aware of how you listen, you start noticing that you are already wise to know when to use what kind of listening.
Do you have questions or need support with your listening skills?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Joonyoung Kim is a Productivity and Leadership Coach based in Korea. Through her private coaching program for women leaders Redesign Productivity, she shares her deep passion for helping women leaders rethink what being productive means so that they can spend their time and energy meaningfully to drive fulfillment and abundance in life and at work
She is one of the first Korean-English bilingual coaches in Korea to be certified by Leadership Circle Profile™, the most innovative 360° leadership assessment tool available in the market.
In addition to developing women leaders, she also partners with EZRA Coaching, Leadership Circle, and Coachdot as an executive coach and develops corporate leaders from diverse industries across APAC. She's certified by the International Coaching Federation, Co-Active Training Institute & Leadership Circle, and she coaches & trains in English or Korean on Zoom across time zones.
Comments